Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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