hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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