it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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