Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
