I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
The air taste purple.
Randomize
