its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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