2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
