I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
