I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
