My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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