just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
