I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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