I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
