So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
