i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
