Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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