I cockslap morals
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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