Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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