Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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