Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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