I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Go christen that room with your naked body.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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