Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
