I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
