I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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