jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
this boner is exhausting
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
