hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
