I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Houston, we have a squirter
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
