just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
