My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
