dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
