NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
