he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
