my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
