My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
