its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
