Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
