I am in a vortex of obligation.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
