he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
