it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
