ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
