i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
