i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
