lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you will always have a special place in my vag
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
