i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
