just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
