textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There's always time for handjobs
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
