every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
