oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
