Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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