..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
