The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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